Be honest. You just sang that title didn’t you? I did as I was typing it.
I don’t know why we are so scared of change and always look at it as a bad thing. On this healthy lifestyle journey I am on, one of the comments I get the most is, “I wish I liked all that food you eat. I wish I could do that.”
Y’all I didn’t just wake up one day and start eating healthy. It has came about over several years for me with small CHANGES! It’s a running joke with my husbands mother, that when he and I got married, I wouldn’t eat anything green. I didn’t eat salads, english peas, green beans, peppers, nothing. The only green thing I did eat was probably butter beans. Now I eat all of that plus avocado, broccoli, spinach, etc. I still will not eat Brussel sprouts or celery.
Sometimes we have to embrace change. If you eat the same junk; the pizzas, and fried food, and snacks and things loaded with sugar and sodium that have a list of ingredients we can’t even pronounce, that’s what our bodies want. When we start making little changes, and putting fresh veggies, fruits and lean meats in our bodies, eventually that’s what it will want. I have made and tweaked recipes for years to get it to where I like it and my family will eat it.
Even though I am trying at the moment to be as healthy as I can be, I still want food that tastes good. But also realize I need food that fuels my body. I am trying very hard to change my relationship with food. I research all the time about nutrients and what foods do what and things.
I just recently discovered how bad my body felt and how tired I was and lack of energy and really had no motivation to some days do anything. And alot of it was because of what a I was putting in my body, and also my lack of movement.
I don’t have it all figured out. I second guess myself every day. I count calories and read labels and add and take away stuff. I question whether or not I worked out enough. I question whether I spent enough time with my kids, did I have an actual conversation with my hubby, did I read my Bible enough, etc.
Change is a hard thing for me. I tend to hold on for dear life and that’s what I’ve been doing for years. And what has it gotten me? It’s led me on a Rollercoaster of ups and downs, gains and losses. I have put my body through heck. And after having my 3rd kid, well it ain’t so easy. I know my metabolism is out of whack. Why? Because I have treated it so bad for so long. So now I have to make changes. I have to be consistent. I have to treat me well.
I lost one pound last week. Was that a great weight loss? Nope but it was a loss and a very small step in the right direction. I know my body is waiting. It’s waiting to see if I continue to get up in the mornings and workout. It’s waiting to see if I will continue to put healthy stuff in it, or go back to the junk.
So my goal is to be consistent. To just see, with God’s help, what I can really do. To see if I truly stay consistent and slowly figure this thing out, where all these changes will take me.
It’s not easy. Still, there is a point in every day I just want to eat fried chicken, a candy bar and drink a mountain dew. What’s stopping me this time? I am excited about how good I feel, how energetic I finally am. I want, no I need, to see where these changes will take me.
So what’s some changes you need to make in your life? It doesn’t have to be the same as mine. It could be anything. I challenge you to embrace change. See where it takes you.
Intentional. That word keeps popping up in all kinds of things in my every day life. It even came up in a Sunday school lesson at church Sunday. So what does it mean?
The definition of intentional is: to do on purpose; deliberate.
How many things do we do intentionally in our lives? How many other things should we do intentionally, but don’t?
I have really tried to make a few things more intentional the last few weeks. One of them is working out. I was just trying to get a workout in whenever. Which means most days it didn’t happen. The baby wouldn’t take a nap, or I had unexpected company, or a sick kid. And so a workout would be put on the back burner. So I finally made the decision to start getting up early to workout. I am NOT A morning person. But if I am serious about getting healthy and getting this weight off, it’s what I have to do. So I intentionally set my alarm at night, and get up at least 3 times a week to get a workout in. And can I tell you, I feel so good. It gives me crazy energy for the day. I am happier.
Next, I intentionally track my food, prepare and food prep. I can’t just fumble around through the day and not have a meal plan. That leads to eating junk. Junk that doesn’t go along with a healthy lifestyle nor makes me feel good.
So if I do all of that intentionally, what else do I need to do? The most important thing is my daily bible reading and quiet time with God. Again, it was one of those things that I just tried to fit into my day whenever. And guess what? Some days, alot of days, it didn’t happen. I had time to get on Facebook and instagram. I had time to text a friend. I had time to watch TV but somehow, I didn’t have time for God. So that’s something else I am making an intentional part of my life. With getting a workout in so early, it frees up time in my day. So I am now intentionally setting aside time to do a devotional, read my Bible, and read a book that’s not just a fiction book.
As I prioritize my life, and make the important things intentional, it really reveals to me all the things that I waste time on, and the things I need to make more intentional. I need to make time with my kids more intentional. I need to make time with my hubby more intentional. I need to make connecting with my true friends, more intentional. But top of that list, I still need to make more time with God, intentional.
Whether we think we have time for things or not, we make choices every day. We choose how much tv we watch, how much time we spend on social media. So why not choose, be intentional, with our time with God. And for me, for a more healthy lifestyle. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. It’s what we intentionally choose to do with it that counts, what shapes our lives, our attitudes, our thinking. So be intentional.
Sometimes through out this journey, I wish I had all the answers and knew exactly what to do all the time. But I don’t. Throughout my life I had rode this dieting rollercoaster continuously. And it was a rollercoaster because it was a lot of ups and downs and eventually returned back to the start. I’d get off for awhile and then get back on. I have done a lot of damage to my body. My metabolism is all over the place. So for me it’s a constant battle to figure out what works and what doesn’t.
I am proud of my 50 pounds gone, but honestly thought I would be so much farther. But this is not a rollercoaster this time. Yes it has it’s ups and downs but I am not going back to the beginning or stopping and getting off. This is my life now.
So one of the things I have been playing with lately is upping my calories. I know, people gasp when I say that if they are not living in this world. But things have been off lately. I am working out more, harder work outs, strength training with and without weights. Also cardio. But I find myself with no energy. I feel run down. I was eating around 2100 calories a day (when I kept track). Every app and website I go to tells me I need roughly around 3,000 calories to burn fat. It tells me I need 2400 calories just to live to function. So while that all sounds like a lot, I also want to make sure I am fueling my body. God gave me this body to take care of, to live in and I finally want to give it my best.
I am not going to lie, anything over 2100 calories scares the crap out of me. Like panic attack, can’t breath, stop eating kind of attack. And one thing I know I wasn’t getting enough of is carbs. I just always felt like if I lowered my carbs, even good carbs, I would lose weight. But with all the workouts I am doing (and loving) , I have to have carbs. If I am overworking my body and not putting enough in to sustain it, fuel it, and for my muscles to feed off of, then guess what? It holds onto the fat. Like I said, this is still a scary concept to me but change can ultimately be good.
Oh and just for info. sake, I am slowly upping my calories, maybe a 100 a week or so and also slowly upping my carbs.
So I will keep you all informed on my progress. And as I make these changes, I will be staying away from the scale for awhile. I know at first I will gain some, just because my carbs and water weight, etc.
I am just working on being healthy, losing weight and making this body stronger. We only get one chance at this life here on Earth, and I want it to be a healthy one. I want to do my part.
So while I wish there was a perfect plan, I’m just over here trying to be me, trying to figure it all out, and just trying to figure out what works for me.
Today is weigh in day. I was excited today to get on the scale. I have changed up my workouts, added new things, etc. I counted my calories this week and ate really well. I was proud of myself. I have drank tons more water this week than I ever have. This week I was excited, motivated, committed. So I get on the scale and it stayed the same. THE SAME!!!!
I wanted to scream, I wanted to throw that scale out the window. I wanted to cry. And I wanted to go stuff my face. But I didn’t. This is the thing with my body. I have been on and off “diets” since 6th grade. I have lost weight and gained it back more times than I could even count. I have yo-yo dieted my entire life. I do good, lose some weight, then because I was depriving myself I would go on major binges. I have not treated my body well. So when I change things up, it sort of goes in shock. It holds on to what it has until it sees what I am going to do. Like it wants to see if I am for real or if it’s just a one week thing.
So the fact that the scale stayed the same is not a surprise. My first week or two that I did Turbokick, the scale didn’t really move. And that was the most intense cardio I had ever done. After about 2 weeks I had a pretty big weight loss. So I should have expected it but it still is frustrating.
As I was trying to process all of it in my mind today, some things came to mind.
I didn’t start this journey just because of a number on a scale. I started this because I was finally ready to get healthy. I was tired of not having energy, of not sleeping. I was tired of having to order clothes and not be able to walk into a store and buy off the rack. I was tired of having to wonder if I could fit into a seat, or if a chair would hold me. I was tired of cringing when we went out to eat and they led us to a booth. I was tired of hiding behind the weight and feeling like I wasn’t good enough. I was tired of walking to the mailbox and back and being out of breath. I was tired of going shopping and coming home and feeling like I had been in a battle. The list could go on and on. I was not meant to be that person. I have been that person for so long but was not happy. That is not who God made me to be.
This morning, something that hit me hard was this. I am so focused on that number on the scale. But that number doesn’t show the changes. It doesn’t place value on health. All the cardio, weights and strength training I am doing is making my body healthier. All the fruits, veggies, whole grains, lean meats I am continuously putting into my body is making me healthier. I sleep better, have more energy. All the water is flushing out bad stuff, making my skin healthier and my body. But the scale doesn’t reflect all of that. This journey is about health. Mind and body. It’s about making a better me. Inside and out. And I think I can be proud of how far I have come and the changes I have made. Eventually, if I am consistent, the scale will reflect my hard work. But my work for now will be reflected in my workouts, my food, my attitude. So while the scale was the same this week, I am certainly not. 45 pounds down is just a very small piece of this puzzle.
People tell you not to worry about the scale. They say, “don’t weigh every week, or don’t pay attention to what it says, or it’s just a number, or don’t let it define you.” The fact is, whether we like it or not, it’s a measuring tool. We put a lot hope in something that tends to let us down. If you are at goal weight, close to goal weight, or only have 20-30 pounds to lose, then you may find it freeing not to weigh every week or let your clothes be the judge. But when you have 180 pounds you want to lose, you can’t just get rid of the scale. When you are at a weight that you wear mostly elastic waist pants and shirts that you try to buy big so they don’t touch your fat rolls, then you really can’t use clothes as a judge.
I have lost 45 pounds so far, and am just starting to wear clothes that actually button, and actually fit me. But the fact is I can still wear most of my clothes I wore 45 lbs. ago. No they don’t fit the same way, nor look the same way but I still wear them.
This week I gained a pound and last week I stayed the same. And it’s frustrating. Because this week, I really can’t tell you what was so different than those weeks a couple of months ago where I was losing 1-5 pounds a week. I think the thing for me is consistency. I’m not consistent with my calories or even what I eat. I am more consistent with working out but they say weight loss is mostly about the food.
Being this overweight has its advantages when trying to lose weight. You burn more calories when exercising and you can consume more calories than the average person and still lose weight. So I think I have gotten comfortable with sneaking a snack cake here, eating a heaping spoon of peanut butter several times a day, etc. I have fallen back into old habits of sneaking food and lying to myself about how much I really eat. And I counteract that with cutting calories the next day. I sabotage myself. But it’s frustrating that some weeks I eat like that and still lose. It gives me a false sense of security. Then it catches up with me. I just don’t know where the balance is.
I am not the person who can count every single calorie day in and day out. I am not the girl who can eat “clean” 100% of the time or never indulge. I am not the girl who will give up sweets and carbs forever. I still can’t drink a gallon of water no matter how hard I try.
I do know I have to make more changes, be more consistent. I have to find what consistently works for me, that I can do day in and day out. It’s a struggle every day. And it’s also a choice. And I’m not going to lie. It’s hard. But it’s worth it.
I really don’t know the point of this blog but to say I am frustrated. I feel stuck. I want the scale to consistently move. I want to look in the mirror and see a difference. I want to feel a difference. I don’t want this to be a guessing game. And I want to have the courage to be consistent and allow myself not to hold back and make changes. And I still want to eat a slice of pizza or some chocolate occasionally and be ok with it.
It has been way too long since my last blog post. I have had lots of things in my head to post, just haven’t taken the time out to do it. A lot has happened in the last couple of months.
I had a health issue which mentally and physically slowed down my progress. It’s not something I am ready to share with the world, but it has taken a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. But the only thing I can do is move forward.
I wish I could say this journey was easy, that the weight just melts off, workouts are easy and food is always on point. But that is not so. But I will say this…….I did not quit nor give up. I am still here pushing. I have lost 43 lbs. so far. But I still deal with the fact I don’t feel like it’s enough, that I could do more, that I don’t see a difference. You see, I am my own worst enemy. But I am a work in progress.
I truly believe the closer we try to get to God, the more the devil tries to step in. He works on our weaknesses. Over the past couple of months, I have found myself really reaching out to a God because there are just things I don’t understand and well, if you know me, you know I don’t rely on people very well. I hide a lot and keep a lot in. But God is the one I can go to, totally broken. So while I have been drawing strength from God, satan has been trying to worm his way in.
And what are my weaknesses? Well, feeling like I’m not enough, not doing enough, not trying hard enough, that I’m not good enough. And that’s in a lot of areas of my life: relationships and friendships, my family, my church duties, and this weightloss journey. But goodness, God has placed some great people in my life. I have friends who I can reach out to, a family who has been here for me. When I am frustrated about not seeing progress, God always seems to place someone in my path that tells me they are proud of me, that I am looking good, that they can see a difference. When I am having a bad day, I get a text that asks how I am or just saying that I inspire people.
I fight every day not to be the person I was. The person who was running off little sleep, who could literally sit all day and do nothing, the person who was fine staying in her house without seeing hardly anyone, and the person who ate just to feel ok. I am not that person now. Yes I still struggle with my food addiction. It’s an every day battle. And when life gets tough, I still want to just eat. And eat until I was numb and no longer felt anything.
Through this whole thing I have learned it’s ok to feel. It’s ok to have and express feelings. It’s ok to lean on friends. And it’s ok to be ok with where you are today, as long as you are looking forward to where you are going tomorrow.
Yes the road on this journey is long! It’s tiring, it’s a lot of tears, sweat, a lot of self doubt and a lot of bumps. But at least I’m on the road and not sitting in the driveway. Be ok with where you are.
With this new lifestyle , came some much needed changes. I usually workout 5-6 times a week. It was a hard routine to get into. I went from basically being sedentary to really working out, pushing myself. At first, people told me it was too much and in retrospect it probably was. But I’ve kinda found my groove now. And even though there were days my body was saying enough or it was too much, I didn’t want to give myself an excuse, an out. That’s what got me to be this overweight. Denial, excuses, and always telling myself I couldn’t do it. So I knew I needed to push myself and not give myself a way out. For the first time, I am holding myself accountable.
I do turbokick 3 times a week and it’s really the workout that has showed me I can do more than I ever thought. The other 2 or 3 days, I do workouts at home. It may be dvds, wii workouts, kettlebells, etc. Do not be scared to try new things, to push yourself.
Some of my friends told me about a new turbokick class that was starting in town, and encouraged me to try it with them. I had just started on my weightloss journey. I dismissed the idea right away, but it kept coming to my mind to just try it. So I messaged the instructor on Facebook. We live in a very small town, but I did not know this girl. But I kinda just laid it all out there. I told her I was severely overweight, just started exercising, and I really wanted to know if I could do this class. She reassured me that I could. It was for all fitness levels, there were modifications to everything, and for me to work on my level. That conversation started a friendship. I love Brooke. She’s a friend to me now, motivates me, pushes me, but never singles me out for not being able to do something.
So I went to that first class and loved it. Yes I have to modify lots of stuff, but I am there 3 days a week working my butt off.
People want to know how to stay motivated to workout. Yes there are days I would rather sit around and read and eat all day. But those days are fewer and far between. I have more energy to do things and want to do things. I do workouts at home I like to do and I am always changing it up. The kettlebell routines I do, I googled and watched utube videos and made up my own routine. Knowledge is power. I am always adding to it, tweaking it, working on form etc.
And it’s a mind thing really. Brooke tells us that all the time, but I never understood until recently. These ladies in my turbokick class have become friends and we motivate each other. I get messages now wanting to know how much weight I have lost and how do I keep going. Most messages say things like, “when I am feeling tired and want to quit, I look up and you’re still going. Or when I have to take a break, I look around and you have never stopped.” Those messages are my fuel. It’s a mind thing. I knew coming into this class, I would be the biggest person. But I didn’t want to be the biggest person that had to keep stopping, that couldn’t keep up. So I push myself every class. When I see someone that stops to take a water break or whatever, and they are smaller than me, it’s my push to keep going. In my mind, I outlasted at least one person. Now don’t get me wrong. These ladies all work their butts off. But it’s a mind thing with me. I do have to stop occasionally but I don’t walk off to get water. I may have to stop a movement just to catch my breath or literally so I don’t pass out. (I have felt like that a couple of times. I don’t say anything, I just regroup and keep going.) But when I leave, I know I pushed myself and I didn’t stop just because it got hard.
Not gonna lie, my body hurts alot. My knees are in constant pain and my body hurts just to move sometimes. And there are days my body tells me I need to rest and I listen to it. But I know these aches and pains are also helping me toward a goal. My knees do hurt but I have noticed my squats are lower. I am tired in turbokick class but I am noticing new things that I can do well or don’t have to modify as much. This is progress.
You each have to find that thing within you that motivates you to do it. Whether it’s a before pic, whether it’s the feeling after a workout, whether it’s the motivation to not be the fat girl anymore, you have to find it. You have to make the choices, make it a habit and make the changes. You have to want it. And the results will be the fuel you need to keep going. 🙂