A Balancing Act

So I know I have been M.I.A. for quite awhile. Lots of things have happened since my last blog post. A couple of weeks after my last post, I found out I was pregnant. July 15, 2015 I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. For those of you counting or keeping up, that’s 3 girls. To say life has changed is an understatement.

Whomever said that after 2 kids, the number doesn’t matter, lied. Haha. I didn’t know going from two to three, would be so hard. Just being honest. It’s those kind of things people don’t tell you. By far, she has been the hardest baby yet. And please don’t get in an uproar by that. It doesn’t mean I don’t love her or thank God for her every single day. It just means that she’s a baby with her own needs and personality and for awhile, it didn’t align with the rest of the family. Haha

For the first 6-8 weeks, she cried all the time. If she was awake, she was crying. It was almost like she didn’t know how to be awake. And she hardly ever slept. She cat napped alot. She wouldn’t sleep at night. I felt like a walking zombie. She hated her swing, her bouncy seat, basically anything that meant putting her down.

But with blurry eyes, we made our way through that phase. She’s now a pretty happy baby that loves to be talked to and held. She loves her big sisters talking to her and dancing in front of her.

So where does that leave me? It leaves me feeling like I’m on a tightrope, and could fall at any moment.

As far as food went, I enjoyed this pregnancy. I ate healthy some, but also ate whatever I wanted. So I gained about 30+pounds back of the 51 I had lost. I promised myself that once I had this baby, since I knew it would be my last, that after the 6 weeks, I would get back at it full force. And I have tried unsuccessfully.

I don’t know how to fit it all in. I am exhausted. I have never been this tired. I still have the want to, to lose this weight and get back to eating right and exercising but making time for myself is an issue.

On days I might get a workout in, it usually means something else doesn’t get done, dishes, laundry, bills etc. And some days that’s ok, but it can’t happen everyday. And trying to cook healthy and keep healthy food in the house is a struggle. Some nights,  my family is lucky to get a hotdog.

The baby still gets up some nights, so getting up earlier in the morning is impossible. I still run alot of my days off little sleep. And she tends to be a night owl,  so by the time she goes to bed, everyone else is in bed and I am exhausted.

I have joined several challenge groups on Facebook to try and keep me accountable and motivate me. But all they really do is make me feel worse. Because they are all working out and killing it, losing weight and inches, and I’m over here, feeling like a fish out of water, just flopping around on the sand.

I know what I have to do to lose the weight.  I know how much work and effort it takes. So where do I fit it all in? It’s not that I don’t want to do it. And I’m usually the first to not finish stuff, not stick to things, to make excuses. But I don’t even have that choice right now. Life is dictating that.

As a mom, how do you do it all? How do you make time for yourself, workout, food prep, and still take care of everyone else? Goodness knows I don’t have the answers.

And this is my last baby so I want to enjoy the time with her. I don’t want to look back and wish I had done something different or spent more time with her and less working out. But where’s the balance?

I sometimes feel like I’m over here doing a whole lot of things, but nothing really well. I miss working out. I miss feeling good and seeing results. I miss having energy. But none of that compares to when I hold my baby girl. When it’s just her and I. I would give up every night of sleep and every pound lost for her.

So I’m back to the rambling statement, how do you balance?  How do you find time for it all? How do you take time for yourself without sacrificing your families needs?