Today is weigh in day. I was excited today to get on the scale. I have changed up my workouts, added new things, etc. I counted my calories this week and ate really well. I was proud of myself. I have drank tons more water this week than I ever have. This week I was excited, motivated, committed. So I get on the scale and it stayed the same. THE SAME!!!!
I wanted to scream, I wanted to throw that scale out the window. I wanted to cry. And I wanted to go stuff my face. But I didn’t. This is the thing with my body. I have been on and off “diets” since 6th grade. I have lost weight and gained it back more times than I could even count. I have yo-yo dieted my entire life. I do good, lose some weight, then because I was depriving myself I would go on major binges. I have not treated my body well. So when I change things up, it sort of goes in shock. It holds on to what it has until it sees what I am going to do. Like it wants to see if I am for real or if it’s just a one week thing.
So the fact that the scale stayed the same is not a surprise. My first week or two that I did Turbokick, the scale didn’t really move. And that was the most intense cardio I had ever done. After about 2 weeks I had a pretty big weight loss. So I should have expected it but it still is frustrating.
As I was trying to process all of it in my mind today, some things came to mind.
I didn’t start this journey just because of a number on a scale. I started this because I was finally ready to get healthy. I was tired of not having energy, of not sleeping. I was tired of having to order clothes and not be able to walk into a store and buy off the rack. I was tired of having to wonder if I could fit into a seat, or if a chair would hold me. I was tired of cringing when we went out to eat and they led us to a booth. I was tired of hiding behind the weight and feeling like I wasn’t good enough. I was tired of walking to the mailbox and back and being out of breath. I was tired of going shopping and coming home and feeling like I had been in a battle. The list could go on and on. I was not meant to be that person. I have been that person for so long but was not happy. That is not who God made me to be.
This morning, something that hit me hard was this. I am so focused on that number on the scale. But that number doesn’t show the changes. It doesn’t place value on health. All the cardio, weights and strength training I am doing is making my body healthier. All the fruits, veggies, whole grains, lean meats I am continuously putting into my body is making me healthier. I sleep better, have more energy. All the water is flushing out bad stuff, making my skin healthier and my body. But the scale doesn’t reflect all of that. This journey is about health. Mind and body. It’s about making a better me. Inside and out. And I think I can be proud of how far I have come and the changes I have made. Eventually, if I am consistent, the scale will reflect my hard work. But my work for now will be reflected in my workouts, my food, my attitude. So while the scale was the same this week, I am certainly not. 45 pounds down is just a very small piece of this puzzle.
Kim
Imperfect Mom, wife and Christian 