Be ok with where you are

It has been way too long since my last blog post. I have had lots of things in my head to post, just haven’t taken the time out to do it. A lot has happened in the last couple of months.
I had a health issue which mentally and physically slowed down my progress. It’s not something I am ready to share with the world, but it has taken a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. But the only thing I can do is move forward.
I wish I could say this journey was easy, that the weight just melts off, workouts are easy and food is always on point. But that is not so. But I will say this…….I did not quit nor give up. I am still here pushing. I have lost 43 lbs. so far. But I still deal with the fact I don’t feel like it’s enough, that I could do more, that I don’t see a difference. You see, I am my own worst enemy. But I am a work in progress.
I truly believe the closer we try to get to God, the more the devil tries to step in. He works on our weaknesses. Over the past couple of months, I have found myself really reaching out to a God because there are just things I don’t understand and well, if you know me, you know I don’t rely on people very well. I hide a lot and keep a lot in. But God is the one I can go to, totally broken. So while I have been drawing strength from God, satan has been trying to worm his way in.
And what are my weaknesses? Well, feeling like I’m not enough, not doing enough, not trying hard enough, that I’m not good enough. And that’s in a lot of areas of my life: relationships and friendships, my family, my church duties, and this weightloss journey. But goodness, God has placed some great people in my life. I have friends who I can reach out to, a family who has been here for me. When I am frustrated about not seeing progress, God always seems to place someone in my path that tells me they are proud of me, that I am looking good, that they can see a difference. When I am having a bad day, I get a text that asks how I am or just saying that I inspire people.
I fight every day not to be the person I was. The person who was running off little sleep, who could literally sit all day and do nothing, the person who was fine staying in her house without seeing hardly anyone, and the person who ate just to feel ok. I am not that person now. Yes I still struggle with my food addiction. It’s an every day battle. And when life gets tough, I still want to just eat. And eat until I was numb and no longer felt anything.
Through this whole thing I have learned it’s ok to feel. It’s ok to have and express feelings. It’s ok to lean on friends. And it’s ok to be ok with where you are today, as long as you are looking forward to where you are going tomorrow.
Yes the road on this journey is long! It’s tiring, it’s a lot of tears, sweat, a lot of self doubt and a lot of bumps. But at least I’m on the road and not sitting in the driveway. Be ok with where you are.

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